I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
