first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
