carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
