I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
