btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
