i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
