Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
