I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
