I want to have your abortion
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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