So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
