This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
