There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize