watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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