if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
