i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
