I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize