ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I could fuck to npr.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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