I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
