You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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