I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
