i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
