Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
