a queef is a wish your heart makes.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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