So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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