Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
