my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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