oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
