I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
