I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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