Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
