hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
