I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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