you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
