someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
