Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
