Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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