Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
