I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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