Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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