Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize