I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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