Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
