So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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