We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
