At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
