I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
