So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize