I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
