Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
