I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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