I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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