I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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