I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
