ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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