even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
