he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
