It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
