dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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