Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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