Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize