I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You are the jesus of drinking
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
