let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
