I faked an abortion last night.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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