I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize