He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
