JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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