Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
