pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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