You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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