i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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