As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
