Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
