Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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